Thursday, December 04, 2003
9:42 PM

... r u gonna be home this xmas? ...

r u gonna be home this xmas?

its in the air. xmas is around the corner.
everybody is so excited abt it. shopping here
and there. parties for all. and im one big
lonely guy... i need no gift, nor a new pair of
shoes. i just have one wish this xmas.. that he
be home..... with me.

this morning, i played the song "i'll be home for
xmas" by amy grant. my officemate said, maganda
yung rendition. yeah. ang ganda nga. then
secretly, i wept. silently in my room.

hirap pala. im used to spending all the impt
events and celebrations with him. for more than
2 years now. we sleep together, eat together, do
a lot of things together. then he left the
country for work. and so i was left here. my
sadness, not because im not with him. but
because he's not with me... i know that whatever
sadness and loneliness i am experiencing now is
more than double of what he is experiencing
there. i've got a lot friends here. he's all
alone there. this situation is enuf to make me
worry so much. and i can feel the loneliness he
feels now. i can share the crazy feeling he is
feeling now.

i miss him so much. he misses me more.

a minute ago, he called me up. ang ginaw daw
dun. once na lang sya maligo, every morning.
natawa ako. coz if im vain, he's more more more
vain than me. then i rmember his smell, his
scent. then there was silence after we laughed over the phone.
and i started crying again. but i was still
silent. i dont want him to hear me weeping. we
kissed. in our own way. somehow i was
relieved. now he can sleep.


i love u dearly. i love u no matter what.

maybe he's not gonna be home this xmas. but
forever, he'll be here... in my senses.
_______________________________________