Monday, March 08, 2004
4:13 PM

... FALLING IN LOVE ...

FALLING IN LOVE

It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes,
but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.
Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be takes as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life – the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that it lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

Thay want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

Then try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our ways our different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes in to your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.


Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in sight. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love as only a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. The cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is agift,
that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reason for coming and leaving. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or rom the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and will always be a mystery. Be glad that it came and live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.

“New lovers seek perfection;
Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together,
and of seeing beauty in a multiplicity of patches.”
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12:01 PM

... All Time Movie Lines ...

All Time Movie Lines -from my friend amiel


Every passing minute is another chance to turn
it all around again.
-- Vanilla Sky

I'll see you again in another life... when we
are both cats.
-- Vanilla Sky

People move through their lives sometimes
without really thinking about where they're
going. The days pile up, and they get sadder and
lonelier, without really knowing how they got so
sad, or why they're so lonely. Then something
happens... they meet someone who looks a certain
way, or has something in their smile. Maybe
that's all that falling in love is. Finding
someone who makes you feel a little less alone.
-- Taken

To make the journey and not fall deeply in
love... well, you haven't lived a life at all.
But you have to try... because if you haven't
tried, you haven't lived.
-- Meet Joe Black

“I dream of a love that even time will lie down
and be still for.” – Practical Magic

“Did you ever stick your arms out and spin and
spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like.” –
Practical Magic

“Of course you're going to see me again. We'll
grow old together. It's going to be you and me
living in a big house... these two old biddies
with all these. I bet we even die on the same
day.” – Practical Magic

“You interpret my heart, my nature, as you wish
to believe it. In truth, I have no secret
longing to be saved from myself.” – Onegin

"He's too beautiful. He's too much twisted steel
and sex appeal. I can't be with a guy that looks
like I won him in a raffle." --- Always

“It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be
with someone who looks into your face, when
you've gotten old, and still sees what you think
you look like.” – The Bachelor

Samantha: “I have to ask you a question. It's a
good one so think about it. If two people love
each other, but they just can't seem to get it
together, when do you get to that point of
enough is enough?”
Jerry: “Never.”
– The Mexican

Real emotion transcends language Jerry. You
don't have to understand their words to feel
their pain. – The Mexican

I would rather have had one breath of her hair,
one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand,
than eternity without it. One. – City of Angels


-thanx amiel- jayd

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Friday, March 05, 2004
11:46 AM

... moving on... letting go... ...

[from a friend, i jus wanna share it with u as
well]

It occurred to me again, this time in the middle
of procrastinating against studying for an exam
tomorrow. I kept you safe within the remote
areas of my consciousness, but suddenly, as if
driven by an unknown force, your memory unearths
itself, returning some sort of unfinished
business. Consequently, I pause from studying
and I start thinking about you.
And it always left me a touch of sadness.

As far as I was concerned, I made it a point not
to think about you anymore, at least not that
often as I used to, in the form of
preoccupation. There’s a lot of homework to do,
friends to spend time and energy with, family
affairs, television, radio. There’s even a new
object of affection in the rough. Works for the
most part, I should say. Within the confines of
my room with school books before me, there is
forgetting.

Just like the manner by which ice cubes freeze
bacteria within their crystal networks. As long
as they remain frozen, everything’s safe. There
is no need to worry.

But somehow, you still manage to permeate my
system, as if it were an expertise or a
tediously-learned skill. Moment by moment, you
profusely enter my mind, filling my awareness
with lost memories of once-upon-a-times and
whatnots. Remembrances of holding hands,
afternoon walks, lunch outs, text messages and
phone calls. Of yesterday’s seemingly
unbreakable promises and proclamations of
forever.

I should’ve put into mind what an old friend
once wrote, ‘Forever is not real’.

I have always yearned to understand what had
happened between us. Us won’t even suffice: it
was never a real relationship to begin with. We
just hung out and talked and spent time together
more often than we did with our other friends
and colleagues. Sometimes it pained me that I
could not do anything in my power to make you
speak about us. Certainly, the ambiguity was
present, the ambiguity which you never wanted to
clarify.

I could only let you go on with whatever it was
that you desired, whether it be ranting about
your insecurities, rejoicing over happier news
or lamenting about your eventful past. On the
other side, I remained silent in the middle of
your hyped-up emotion. I was like a child with
beaming eyes, eager to hear more stories of how
you came about to be the person that you are.
For you once told me that listening to you gave
you strength to go on, and so I did. I have
always wanted you to be okay.

Yet when it was my turn to be heard, the silence
was a void. I suspended my disbelief when I
convinced myself that you always meant well,
whenever you apologized for there was nothing
you can do about my bouts of depression, or when
you simplify things by saying that everything
will be alright. I know I should not expect
things from other people; perhaps I was at fault
when I wanted more from you when you can only
give so little.

You hurt me. You hurt me many, many times. You
hurt me so intensely I never dared to tell you
anything about it. I was a fool to think that it
was a better way of dealing with things. And
that, I presume to be my biggest mistake: I
abandoned myself. I sought for your happiness
that I forgot about mine altogether.

And just like that, you vanished, very much like
a soap bubble floating across air. I have
watched you in complete awe, wonder and even
fascination. And similar to any ethereal
fleeting moment, you were gone, leaving me
clueless as to whether you even existed in the
first place.

So maybe what we had was love. Maybe I loved
you, and I hope to heavens that you loved me
back: even just for a split second when we held
hands, or during that moment when I looked into
your eyes, or the time when I laughed at one of
your silly quirks. I’d be content with that
idea, I’d be content that in the course of our
friendship, there was a moment of mutuality;
even if it was so quick I never noticed it all.

Perhaps I still do love you, but that won’t do
much now. I can fight to save everything that
I’ve invested, but I chose not to. I have
treasured you in the past, and that will be
enough. Right now, all I can do is wish you well
in all your endeavors, including the pursuit for
the one who is right for you. When you find her,
I wish she makes you happy. You make her happy
as well.

The end is only a beginning disguised as a
parting. I will still think about you every now
and then, probably be sad once in a while, but
you need not to worry. For I am okay and I will
be okay under all circumstances. It may take
time for me to love again, but in the long run,
it will be all worth it. I may still risk
myself, but every risk in its own respect is
worth taking anyway. Love is such a convoluted
mixture of emotions and decisions that it’s a
matter of working your way through it.

Thank you for gracing my life like a whirlwind,
leaving me breathless and hurt, inspired and
furious, affectionate and listless. You’ve
taught me quite a lot and I learned them in the
most humbling manner. Thank you for showing me
what it means to be human, to commit mistakes,
and to discover how to regain yourself after
everything that had happened.

Like what I always say, Ad astra per aspera. A
rough road leads to the stars. I’m on my way to
becoming stellar.



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