Monday, January 12, 2004
1:45 PM

... define friendship ...

(this was my letter to one of my closest friend, froi. i miss him, thou)

im so frustrated.

i dont wanna sound so demanding but i think i deserve some respect and attention. or im just overreacting and over-expecting because ive given so much, well, at least to u.
im so happy we became so close. and im even happier that u understand me.
im so happy that we're spending so much time together.
but what im not so happy is, when u always turn me down whenever i needed a talk.

this happend before froi, and u know that. i called u up one tym and u turned me down bec ur watchin LOTR.
Fuck! i said to myself! damn LOTR. he chose the film over his friend.

i told u that was one thing that really hurt me. and we didnt talk for a day.

then last nyt, i badly needed a talk, i called u up, after waiting for u the whole weekend.
u turnd me down, the 2nd tym, bec u were playing resident evil.
Fuck again! i said! im being set aside. im one poor guy with nobody to talk to.
he chose resident evil over me!

was LOTR with uwhen u needed an advise? was Resident Evil there when u needed comfort?

and wer u there wen i needed u?

to ease sum pain, i watched LOTR. all alone, by myself. like i used to... since joseph left.

now, tell me froi, am i bad?
am i over expecting so much from u?

ayoko sana manumbat, but i just wanna tell u of some of the sacrifices ive done for u. coz ur a friend.
during those times with ur ex, u never asked but i made time for u.
i found time for u that i even cancel my tapings just to make way for us to meet.
i resched them kahit na mahihirapan ako.
one call from u, i stop whatever im doing, thats how i value u.
u never knew that coz theres no need to tell.
but with all these things happening to me, i feel that i should not be doing all these effort at all. coz i end up losing in the end, or in the long run for that matter.

las nyt was one of the saddest nyt in my life.
and i was able to overcome it.
now i face the world with a little anger and angst.
and i think i need this.
so people wont take me for granted.

again, i may be overreacting. i know u have to spend time for ur family on weekends, but all i needed was just some minutes of ur tym.
just some froi.
coz im bursting with loneliness i cant wait for monday.

now i need some space. i need some time to evaluate my friendship, not only with you.
i gotta do this coz ive had enuf pain.
and what makes it more difficult... coz ur my friend.
it hurts when sumbd hurts u, and hurts u more when a friend hurts u.

but then again, i need no dictionary to define friendship.
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