Thursday, May 06, 2004
3:22 PM

... sex... ...

sex...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. ~Woody Allen

Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped. ~Author Unknown

The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently. ~Margaret Smith

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X

Men get laid, but women get screwed. ~Quentin Crisp

It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance. ~Elizabeth Taylor

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave. ~Author Unknown

Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. ~Marlene Dietrich

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. ~Author Unknown

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. ~Don Schrader

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. ~Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live. ~Erica Jong, Playboy Magazine, September 1975

What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh. ~Henry Fielding

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~Woody Allen

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~Elton John

There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex. ~Billy Joel

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. ~Truman Capote

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time. ~Louise Sammons

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. ~Andy Rooney

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. ~Groucho Marx

Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! ~George Bernard Shaw

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. ~Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen

Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure. ~Thomas Szasz

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ~Lily Tomlin

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. ~Brendan Francis, Playboy, 1985

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. ~Unknown psychology professor in neuropsychology course

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~George Burns

It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover. ~Marge Piercy

Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics. ~Author Unknown

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. ~John Barrymore

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm. ~Author Unknown

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled. ~Harlan Ellison

Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? ~Richard Fleischer

Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime. ~George Bernard Shaw, Everybody's Political What's What, 1944

The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead. ~Author Unknown

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~Author Unknown

Isn't it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex? ~From the television show The Golden Girls

Vanity, revenge, loneliness, boredom, all apply: lust is one of the least of the reasons for promiscuity. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time. ~Author Unknown

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. ~Frederike Ryder

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? ~Author Unknown

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~Author Unknown

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on. ~Author Unknown

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. ~Author Unknown

Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa. ~Dorothy Parker

How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches. ~Flash Rosenberg

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. ~Gloria Leonard

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~Matt Groening

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~P.J. O'Rourke

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. ~J. Edgar Hoover, attributed

It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. ~Mrs. Patrick Campbell

Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur

Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won't be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex.... But our parents are sexually retarded too.... Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow.... Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf. ~Dr. Floyd Martinson _______________________________________