Tuesday, March 07, 2006
10:56 AM

... bhebhe drama turned bb nyt ...

my love story with ivan is really getting complicated.
i can't really put my whole trust in him anymore.
after all the shitty things he has done,
thou he's been sorry bout it,
i can't seem to feel comfortable with him anymore.

its like this:
i hate it when he starts PDA infront of our friends.
i get irritated when he's around kapag im with my barkada.
okay lang ako kapag kami lang 2.
but even that, lately, ayoko na din e. =(

and so i asked friends about it.
asked sean my boo.
asked bestfriend archie.
aske emman becky too.
and asked bb, tg. my ex.

was so lucky to catch bb online.
and we had a very long chat.
we reminisced our short-lived romance story.
and he told me things he never told me.
that after joseph and i 1st broke up, he wanted to be with me.
and that he was mad at joseph bec he didnt treat me well.
and that he was mad also to the people who gave
me Vs when i was sooo down one time.
and that he still loves me upto now.

i ended up crying and crying.
realizing that im still wounded.
and i need a caring that only sombd like tg/bb can do.
because he cares for me so much.
ive felt it before. and still feeling it now.
that strong intensity of feeling
that ive felt the first time i met tg/bb.
and so after the chat, i went to bb's pad.
we had dinner and watched tv.
we barely talked. we chose to be both silent.
both our eyes were glued to the tv set.
but i know deep in our hearts, we are happy.

and so things are confusing me now.

maybe because im sad.
maybe because im longing.
maybe bec i missed that strong feeling.
maybe like archie, im still healing.

and im being unfair if thats the case.
to ivan bhebhe, and to myself.

i really dunno where this will lead to.
but im hoping, whatever it will bring me/us,
it's got to be sumthing worth the wait,
the sacrifice, the time, the effort,
and the emotions. _______________________________________