Thursday, April 26, 2007
3:24 PM

... A not-so-mini-stop @ Mini Stop ...

i am a big worrier. i know i am.
but i know i worry for the right reasons.

last saturday, mahal and i was supposed to meet @ some place.
i know he's so tired and all
(you know, going to a wedding @ Batangas
right after a full night shift @ work) and that it is such
a big effort on his part to still pursue what we had planned.
as for me, i just attended my swim class and watched dvd
(sex and the city). but we txted from time to time.
evening came and i started missing him more.
have u ever felt that kind of anticipation,
the kind that hits u like crazy? the kind that you wanna
fast forward time? that was how i felt.
at around 130am, he told me he's @ Los Banos already.
and so i told him that im gonna be @ Mini Stop,
our meeting place, by 230am.
i waited for a reply... and then waited some more.
i was already @ our meeting place---still, no reply.
i sat down and played my music.
330am---still no reply. i ate some donuts and drank
some cold chocolate drink. i started ringing him
but there was no answer. i started to worry.
i txted my friends. some called up to check on me,
some offered company. i told 'em im fine.
truth is, i am so worried. i am not mad that he's
late or what, or that he's not gonna show up.
i am worried that something not good myt have happened
to him. i am so scared that my mahal is in trouble.
430am---still no reply, still no answer.
i was just looking @ d door, waiting for him.
and i dont know, out of frustration, i started to see
his image at every guy that enters the store.
do you know that effect in d movies or in tv?
that kind when the leading actress sort of sees
the face of his lover at some random guy simply
because she misses him? just like what happened to Carrie
when she started to miss Big in Sex and the City?
yeah, i had that kind.
530am---no txt, no answer. my friends told me that
i should go home already and sleep.
but i simply cannot do that. i cannot. he myt show up.
i have to be there when he shows up! i was being
Isabel/Izzy when Denny died @ Grey's Anatomy season 2.
i didn't want to leave. then i played my song for him,
while looking @ our pics.
i started to cry. and i again felt love.
then i just said a small prayer.
i felt a lil better, the worry was still ther thou.
but some faith kept my sanity. some love comforted me.
by 7am, i was home already. i played our song,
i looped it. then i fell asleep.
by the time i woke up, i got a txt from him.
and he explained to me what happened.
he simply fell asleep and by the time he got home,
his folks reprimanded him and so he went straight
to his bed and fell asleep immediately.
it may seem that i was forgotten but i chose to
understand him, he was up for more than 24 hours.
he said sorry and i accepted it. after lunch,
i went to my swim class. just b4 doing my last laps,
he txted me that he's gonna fetch me.
he wanted to see me, to make up for what happened,
to talk about it, to see me, to spend time with me.
and so we met, and again, i waited,
i was looking @ d door, then i saw his image,
and yes, it really was him this time around. =)

3 hours plus @ Mini Stop.
when i try to recall what happened, i just smile.
how cud some guy who usually gets easily impatient
wait that long @ a convenient store?
maybe because of love. maybe because of faith.
those hours were the most remarkable for me.
for in those hours, i have decided to bring
back good old jayd, the better jayd.
it was indeed another turning point for me.
i am gonna be serious with my mahal,
no flings, no sebs, no nonsense.
i can. its hard but i will do it.
for him, for me, for us.
i want this relationship to work so im gonna be a good boy. =)
my friends are surprised with the changes.
im even getting negative reactions...
i still get the bad influences here and there,
but i can always be firm with my decision.
i will miss the fun, but i dont wanna miss my mahal.
i love him so much,
just the thought of hurting him hurts me more.
im gonna take good care of him, of this.
i have so long waited for this.
and now that its here,
i am gonna be the best Jayd you will ever see.

i am a still big worrier. i know i am.
but i know time will come when i will worry less...
cause i have more. =)

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